GFUNK In Yo Trunk: GFUNK Is A Hater

I hate Lebron James. I hate Dewayne Wade. I hate the Velociraptor commonly referred to as Chris Bosh. I hate the Miami Heat. Lemme put it this way, if the Miami Heat played a game against the Taliban, I’d rock a shirt that said “The Taliban is my favorite!” and wear a fucking turban. Call me a hater, cause I am one.

As a passionate individual, it is impossible for me to be hate free. I love things like hip hop and art and great red wine and James Baldwin books so deeply that there is no way I can’t hate something. The goal of any creature, consciously or subconsciously, is balance. So, to love deeply, we must also hate deeply. My hate is geared at the Miami Heat, Republicans, the people who listen to country music yet quote hip hop as being misogynistic (how can you quote hip hop lyrics and claim to understand something you don’t listen too, dumbass), amongst others. If you claim to not hate something, then I’m going to punch your mother in the face and see if you don’t hate me. We’re all haters, I’m just big enough to admit it.

It seems like in hip hop these days the worst things that anyone can call you is a hater, a snitch, or gay. It may be taboo to admit this but, I can honestly say that unless I call you my fam, I’m singing like a canary if I know something. I’m not going to jail for some bitchass individual who was dumb enough to get caught. My ass is too pretty to be going to jail. I’m snitching. And you will too if it comes down to it or you’re just as dumb as the idiot that got caught. Protecting someone I barely know or protecting myself? Bitch please.

Now, let’s talk about what has become the biggest insult in America today, homosexuality. The phrase “no homo” has been around for years. People feel the need to qualify some of their remarks as being non-gay. Lil B however has shocked the hip hop community by announcing recently that his new album will be entitled “I’m Gay”. In the rest of the world, being gay isn’t as big of a deal and is often embraced. Lady Gaga has made a fortune appealing to the gay consumers in this country. As a business move, it’s brilliant. Gay people are less likely to have children, therefore they have more disposable income. Targeting a segment of the population with more money to spend is a good business move no matter who you are. Lady Gaga though is the first, in my recent memory, to actually openly target and appeal to this segment. Ok, enough about the meat wearing pop star, and back to Lil B.

I personally cannot think of a single track I’ve heard featuring or by Lil B. Maybe the Brain will inform me that I have in fact, as so frequently happens since I’m terrible with names, but as it stands, I can’t tell you a single song he’s made. However, because of just saying that he is naming his album something as shocking as “I’m Gay”, he is now on my radar, along with most of the hip hop community. While there might be plenty of people that hate on him for naming his album this, I guarantee he gets plenty of love. Eminem got publicity many years ago just for being a legitimate white rapper. Lil B names an album something that apparently has no reference to his actual sexuality and the social media implodes with the news.

I know that on recent trip to NOLA, the Brain and I had many conversations, some of which we actually remember. One that I do recall was in reference to sampling. Artists have to be careful who they sample, because in sampling a hugely popular and/or classic song, the lyrical content of the work must be fantastic. If not, while the song plays, we as hip hop lovers are going to think about the song that was sampled instead of the one that is playing. Pick a beat from a great old school song, you’ve got my attention. The question then becomes what you do with my attention that is important. If you mess around and lose my interest you will have to fight even harder to get it back.

Lil B’s marketing ploy has worked, he has my attention. I knew a guy in high school who ran for some class office and one of his posters said “SEX” in as big of letters as he could fit on the poster board. Underneath it said, now that I have your attention, will you please vote for (insert name here). Lil B wanted attention for his upcoming album, and he’s got it. I’ll listen, as will most people simply because the title is so shocking. It better be good though, because if it’s not, the title will officially be used as an insult to his album.

There will be some people who are going to give this dude some backlash for the title. They’ll hate on him and say that he must really be gay. Blah blah blah, see it for what it is people. Quit hating on a marketing scheme. Save your hate for where it is actually deserved. Specifically the Miami Heat. May the fleas of a thousand dogs infest their crotches and may this fate cause them to lose the remainder of their games.

Put that in yo trunk and thump it,
GFUNK