GFUNK In Yo Trunk: Dear Dumbasses

Hi you, you fucking dumbass. Yes you, you reading this blog right now. You are an unintelligent person who can’t possibly find any value or worth in intelligent pursuits. Go ahead, hunt me down, and come find me, if you can. I’m not going to tell you who I am, but I will tell you what I do for you, since you can’t make any intelligent decisions for yourself.

Who the fuck is the muthafucker you say? Well, you can call me “the Man” and yes I am trying to keep you down. It has been mentioned and rumored for years that my goal has been to keep you unintelligent and ignorant, and I have succeeded. I would like to take this opportunity to thank you though for making it rather easy. In fact I haven’t even had to break a sweat getting over on you so many times that I am becoming bored. However, your dumbass makes me so rich I’m going to keep fucking you as long as you let me.

Now, do me a favor, go sell some drugs or shoot each other or something else that I can be blamed for so that you constantly give me free advertising and promotions by you quoting your favorite “rapper” when you get on Twitter or Facebook or Youtube. If I’m really lucky, you’ll go to jail and do a little something in there or when you get out that will somehow lead you to my door. I get excited when I see you coming because I know that you won’t be thinking about how I’m going to fuck you because you are so hungry and desperate to “shine”.

See, I can get it from both ends. I’m the equivalent of a business bisexual. Of course, I’m on the giving end no matter whom it is that I’m fucking. Let me break my game down for you, in the simplest terms of course because we both know you are dumb. I run a record company. Let me explain how my hustle works.

First, I fuck artists. I appreciate a guy who comes to me with a talent to rhyme words and make catchy beats. I make these fellas sign contracts with me where what they produce, I own. This is the only “art form” where the artists actually willingly give away the rights to their product. I give them a few dollars here and there for their songs or albums and keep the majority of it for myself. Of course I say that the cost of production, promotion, distribution and advertising is such that I am actually coming close to breaking even. Now the good thing about this is that most of these artists believe the numbers I show them as to what my cost is, they don’t double check anything. And, what’s a joke is that they are producing the albums themselves, but I charge them for it. It’s such a great game. They put in the work, I use cheap labor to cut the records, but jack the charges up. Basic economics is a concept that isn’t lost on most of the artists who I deal with. You buy a product in bulk, chop it up, raise the cost and turn a profit. I really don’t even have to do any work to it because the artists are responsible for all the steps except the running, which in any other world gets a cut of the profit but not a huge cut. My hustle however….well, I’m rich bitch.

I know that most artists would like to believe that this is something happening unbeknownst to them, but it is in the contract and therefore right in their faces. So, that’s the first dumbass I deal with. The second, is where I actually collect my winnings for getting over. I know that the general public is too dumb to understand anything complicated or deep when they listen to music. It’s better to stick with bitches and money and cars, that’s what sold well once upon a time, so all deep thinkers need not apply. They can go produce their shit on their own, they’ll come knocking one day, best believe. So I fuck the consumers too. I take away your choices because I know that the majority of you are ghetto living boys and girls who don’t need anything that can make you understand your circumstances or push you to realize that the majority of you have a better grasp on economics and the art of the hustle which is something white people admit those black people just seem to understand so much better. If the consumers who I gear my products to would realize that I am actively keeping them from being inspired, well they’d probably be pissed.

But here’s the great thing, from the artists who make the music to the people who buy it, well, they are just too stupid to ask for what they deserve. And let’s all be honest; when pimping people, the goal is to make sure people never ask for what they deserve. You feed them shit and make them think not only did they order it but they are lucky to even be getting it. Keep making me rich fools. One of these days something will come along to wake some of you up, but you’ll be too old and not buying my shit anymore so I don’t care.

Thanks for everything rockheads,
The Man
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What if this came as an insert to the albums we buy? How many people would be rushing the buildings and refusing to participate in this bullshit?

Put that in your trunk and thump it,

GFUNK